Waiting on the Slot Machine
by Mouse of Turin
Summary: People say that Tsunade has the worst of luck. They're wrong. She has incredible luck, but no one can defy fate forever. Tsunade's musings on fate and fortune.


_Disclaimer: I own nothing, except for maybe the observation that Leaf shinobi DO, in fact, place bright red targets on their backs. What's up with that?_

Tsunade pulls up a stool and digs a hand into the pocket of her green robe. With a practiced, almost tired air, she plunks a few coins into the slot machine and pulls down the lever. The machine splutters musically to life with tacky coloured lights and the familiar sound of bells. With a small smile and slightly churning stomach, she awaits the results.

_Ching._ The first spinning display comes to a sudden stop, showing off a bright, sparkling number seven. Tsunade uses her knee to wipe the sweat off her palm. She's hunched over just a little, but that's not unusual. She's older than she looks, after all. Much older, in more ways than one, but not too old she can't throw Shizune off her trail for a few minutes every now and again. Just a few minutes. It won't be long before Shizune finds her and she'll have to go back to that prison of the Hokage's office.

People say that Tsunade has the very worst luck. Just look at her. Not many manage to earn the distinction of "Legendary Sucker" in every casino and gambling house across Fire Country and beyond. They say her luck is so bad, it's dangerous to be a part of her life. In the shinobi world she may be known as one of the Legendary Sannin, but little good that has done her. She couldn't save her little brother, after all. Hey, she hadn't even been there. Nawaki, dear Nawaki, who was so full of life and energy, and Tsunade had not been able to save him.

Tsunade shakes her head. She's thought of this before, too many times. If it hadn't been for Nawaki's death, perhaps, just maybe, Tsunade wouldn't have eventually lost her teammate, Orochimaru, to that crazed pursuit of immortality. But she did lose him, of course. She lost everybody. Her parents, her grandparents, her friends. She's basically cursed. People who get close to her might as well plaster bright red targets on their backs, because her awful luck is going to rub off on them before they ever reach their goals.

Orochimaru had eventually died. So much for immortality. Jiraiya had died too soon to see his student fulfill the long-awaited prophecy. Does destiny matter if you don't live to see it? Even Hiruzen-sensei had fallen victim to violence, despite his dreams of peace. And Dan. Just when it really mattered most, she had failed him. His luck had run out – or was it hers? Either way, he's gone, just like Nawaki, just like everyone else. They're all dead, all lost to the never-ending violence that is the signature of shinobi society.

How many times has Konoha come under attack since she came onto the scene as Hokage? They've had to rebuild how many times? Let's not even look at the size of Konoha's debt. Seriously, there haven't been so many civilian casualties and economic problems in the village since, well, since when? And the odds have grown significantly less optimistic for the ninjas, too. Those on the ninja force have been dropping like flies.

And see, she can't even win a few bucks at the slot machine. What awful, terrible luck.

Tsunade looks over her shoulder, thinking she might be hearing a frantic, "Ahi!" but Shizune is apparently being a little slow to catch up today. Maybe she's getting tired of chasing Tsunade all over town. Shizune is barely a young lady herself, anymore, after all. Tsunade smirks. It seems that dead comrades might not be her only legacy. She also is head of a train of forever-to-be-single women. Nothing worked out for her, Shizune is fast on the same path, and Sakura is quickly turning into a miniature pink version of Tsunade herself.

_Ching_. The second spinning picture abruptly comes to a halt, placing another number seven beside the first. She wipes the back of her hand against her forehead and flicks the sweat off her fingers.

Luck. People are wrong. Tsunade has incredible luck. She is alive. She's still living. Everyone around her, everyone close to her, dies, but she survives. If that's not incredible luck, what is? How many shinobi make it past thirty-five? But here she is, still standing. She's an aberration. An anomaly. She's the last.

Sure, she's bungled things a few times as Hokage, but Konoha is still around, isn't it? How many people could have held this place together through all the things Tsunade has had to put up and deal with? Through all the invasions, coups, wars, and things that are just plain _weird._ There have been deaths, to be sure, but she's saved a lot of lives, too. And despite all the people she's lost, despite the number of times her heart has sustained another crack, she is still able to find and care for new people. That is a definite gift. Shizune is still with her, bless that girl's soul. And Sakura and Naruto.

It all balances out in the end. Luck is a finite thing. Some people see theirs wasted on little things like card games and lotteries, only to find that their luck is gone when it really matters. You can only dip into the pool of luck so many times. That's why when Tsunade starts doing well at the casinos, she knows tragedy lies in the near future.

Her luck has to run dry as some point. She can't defy fate forever. The Three Sannin share a history and they'll meet the same fate. Her mentor and predecessor, Hiruzen-sensei, was killed by one of his former students. Orochimaru hadn't really understood the precedent he was setting, but several years later, he, too, was killed by one of his former students. Tsunade had hoped that Sasuke could be taught that it's OK to love and lose, even if it hurts, just like Hiruzen-sensei had hoped that Orochimaru would come to understand the same thing. Those were fanciful daydreams. And Jiraiya, her last link to the past, the only person left who really knew her as Tsunade rather than as the Godaime Hokage or by some other title – Jiraiya, too, was slain by his former pupil.

But Tsunade still loves, even if she loses and gets hurt. Neither Shizune nor Sakura have turned against her yet, and she'll take that. Besides, she'd rather have them outlive her. Tsunade almost laughs as she realizes how poetic it would be if her eventual death doesn't break the pattern. Almost something Jiraiya would have written, dramatic bugger that he was. Somehow, she almost hopes that she doesn't just fade away, if only because she thinks a violent death might make her feel closer to everyone she's lost before. If she's lucky, she'll do them proud.

_Ching. _The final picture stops moving and the machine blinks at her with its gaudy, coloured lights. Seven, seven, cherries. Tsunade sighs in relief. She sits up a little straighter and wipes her hands one last time. Today her luck is just awful. She hasn't won a single thing. Shizune will have her head – but only figuratively, at least for today. Come what may, today will be fine. Today, nobody dies.


End file.
